Dear Deva and Miten,

Very conscious to hold this pause in our thread with deep respect in it’s sacredness; it has seemed right to hold off from writing further.

It is with such regret to have sent the audio messages in the thread on messenger; my marvelling at the miracle that occurred involving my hearing the songs from your retreat (even in not knowing you were on retreat) and the 'visitation' from the 'being' that is Costa Rica; the amazing feeling of her welcome and a unprecedented (for me) most welcome feeling of safety; and with her showing me connections to you there; had me move to communicate with you in haste.

In doing so, the message missed my acknowledgement of my own pause in replying to your beautiful heartening message in 2021; which arrived during my transition to Mexico; where a health crisis ensued; all very much a part of the book/journey/recovery ....and it was intense to be there alone.  

My writing to you is my being more forthcoming than usual; urged by close friends and colleagues urging me to reach out to welcome support for me to me to receive assistance and support, as an essential part of my being able to complete this project.

This is shared with you in confidence; please treat it as a private letter written to you both.

My fierce determination, driven by the 'message' in meditation to create 'a guide to multidimensional approaches to recovery, restitution and regeneration after rape and sexual abuse; and of knowing of this being so essential to children of today, our elders, parents and communities of the future; and by adult men and women too; propelled by a growing awareness of the extent of this in the world; has had me push on to my limits to continue.

My sustaining this journey of recovery since 2018 and the years before when the deeper inquiry began in 2002; developing the body of work and moving to a philanthropic 'business model' - has involved the investment of my savings, a business loan and seeds of gifts from friends and colleagues eager for this work to come to fruition.

A health crisis amidst the intensity of 2020-2022 resulted in losing my home, living in my car/van until 2022 and then the gift of gifted a room in an apartment in an old house; a safe house for others tackling injustices through the courts, has been a powerful catalyst for starting this process myself; as it turns out the man involved in my rape/abuse has changed his name and is back in the public domain; having been in prison for what he did to me and many other children also, over a long period of time.

This house has supported this journey in many ways; and it being with two men, who are ultimately strangers to me; my concern at night-time, for what is possible, may have been cathartic by way of processing, however there is naturally a beckoning for a safer environment for my continued recovery and the ultimate fruition of my work.

It’s a massive breakthrough to give voice to this now, and reach out to you and others to welcome assistance.

And this all deeply vauable insight and learnings for others, young and adult; on many levels.

To have this shared, and contrinite to others avoiding these situations, with the benefit of what is known to me now, is a worthy ideal to aim for.

....very beautiful lemonade with these lemons; there is much to share. And they deserve to be shared well :) Support for the project enables me to sustain my work on it.

The work has evolved so beautifully as may have come across in some of my earlier messages. It is my leela blossoming Deva and Miten; my play; and as you said in Arillas, there is a seriousness to me too; and that is present in the dharma that brought me to this life, with work such as this. Serious stuff; and now beaming with leela at heart :)

My jyotish chart shows my dharma with double exalted planets; one that has me reverred in India; and that thankfully shows me moving into a new more easful phase; with all things venus being challenging, and then transformed through art, design and higher learning.

That is phenomenally accurate!

It is with this, that my message comes now; first with a check if it is welcome to hear from me about my work/project that may be of interest for you to support.

It may well be that times have moved on, the energy has shifted and the welcome is no longer alive. And that’s to be honoured too. There is so much you are tending with your projects and with your growing sangha… and all that is life too.

My deep love and gratitude to you both for this sangha, for you, for your tending of safe space for us all to heal, and for your songs and the love you share with so many.

It still makes me marvel to discover upon arriving at Arillas, that it was to a sannyasin sangha; 8 years after finding myself living in Lane 5 Koregaon Park to find it to be a sannyasin enclave!

The mystery of it: following flow.

So much love to you both for you the waves of love that ripple from you, beyond time and space; ‘in the light of love’ comes to me often; holding that dearly in my heart.

And it concerns me to think, that in the lead up to all of this happening, youro gift of a CD to me, at my missing the Arillas retreat in 2017 with pregnancy loss, went without a thankyou note. Thankyou dearly and my apologies. The thread got lost in a sea of grief.

So delighted to see you both so well and vital and tending your sangha with such care.

Wholeheartedly

karen leela grace xxxxxxxxx